What a lovely comment! Thank you. And thanks also for subscribing! You are my 171st subscriber, for your information. As for Joel and the story: I'm glad you find him endearing, given he is somewhat of an autobiographical figure. Hope to hear from you again.
Would love to comment something worthwhile but the words "Do something!" still ring in my ears, drowning out any insightful thought I might've once had.
Another great read. I loved that, almost surprisingly, people did still engage with him - although they clearly didn't understand any of the motives behind his actions. To serve him his ban mi, a simple transaction made terrifying, the woman still went through the motions of her job. The crowd, who tried to stop him from harvesting the organs. And the mother, who still tried to reason with him, despite his scary appearance! Some interesting interactions for someone self professing to be lonely, I liked it a lot! I suppose interaction is written into human nature, we're meant to engage in all different ways...!
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Steph! I hadn't even considered that angle, but I do think that's generally how people behave. Going through the motions is like a warm blanket. I might think of how to write that in another story. People behaving that way interests me a lot.
I really enjoyed this one. The 'work' reference didn't jump out at me, and my cyncism inferred that the darkest, crueler aspects of the story must be associated. I'll send my guess through to you privately.
On another note, the following gave me pause:
'capitalism: supply chains and staff sheets, dye numbers and blood diamonds, electricity bills, training regimes, ad campaigns, lunch breaks, harassment policies, debt.'
I thought it would have been interesting if one of the listed elements hinted to his character, his grievance and deeper issues; hinting at what fundamentally disturbs him but we are the reader can only infer.
When I read the passage, I gave debt - the last word on the list - greater emphasis and thought "what if you change the listing, and how does that impact the feel?". As it stands, I gathered it highlights his detachment from the intangible world and his inability to experience emotive or abstract depth in his surroundings. Though, later, I felt the story contradicted that thought as he clearly emphasises with the kangaroo at a deeper level. Definitely something for me to think about.
Thank you for this comment, Jacques. It's a great feeling for me when people engage with my work to this level. It also challenges my thinking and will help me improve.
The list was the order it was for purely aesthetic reasons. I liked the sound of it ending with the single syllable, hard-sounding word: debt. Debt has a punch to it, and given the structure of the list being a bit of a mouthful I thought ending that way was optimal.
But, to consider your comment for a moment, I think you are right. There was an opportunity there for the list to not just be a list. It was a good opportunity to reveal character. Honestly, I had not thought deeply about that angle of the character. It didn't feel too important to me. He was lonely and perceived as a monster; those were his gripes. But I do believe that everything should be as good as it can be, and everything should work on multiple levels. Next time I use lists or any sort of description of what a character sees I will try to make what they see informative to the reader.
The kangaroo bit might be on me. I think you're onto something with the contradiction. I wrote his emotional reaction to the kangaroo as the set-up to a joke. He seemed very touched by the kangaroo just so it hit harder when he was quite willing to chop it into pieces, instantly. But in light of his earlier reaction to things, this might be out of character. Your comment makes me think I need to give extra thought to making sure behaviours are consistent and aligned with character. In this instance, I put the joke first. No reason I can't do both. Again, just an opportunity to get better.
Finally, the work reference was the use of the phrase 'just imagine'. I nearly put it in hashtag form. I wouldn't have used the word just at all in that paragraph if not for my time working at the most innovative company in Australia.
Let’s face it, I’ve probably over thought a few aspects when reading it. The kangaroo “contradiction” is only there if you choose to view the character in a particular way.
I thought work was the immoral crowd who wouldn’t end the suffering of the kangaroo 🫠 or the feeling of being surplus goods idling in a warehouse.
Jumping back the list, I didn’t even think about the syllables and rhythm...definitely something I picked up on subconsciously with debt but didn’t make the connection. Something for me to consider when I’m scribbling down some thoughts.
In the 2nd paragraph: "his right hand still grasped the hatchet". That joke wouldn't really work in film or a play, as the audience would see it there the whole time. I like how in text you can reveal things in unusual orders.
Then in the next paragraph his features come "off-the-bone" which I can't even imagine, haha. It's descriptive - but describing something I can't imagine. And another: "He resembled an important man concerned for the ASX"
This whole story seems determined to do this: to reveal expanding visual jokes that explain earlier scenes. He's now inside a kangeroo!
I also love the balancing act of humor and sincerity. How many stories would have these two sentences in them: "Thoughts of anus hair removal were clouding his judgement" and "we are all one on some level, and the profound tragedy is that our shared beauty is so easily lost beneath our rough hides"
Also, it wouldn't be a Luke Skelton story without a disguised brag of your own wicketkeeping ability - "Joel caught the cartwheeling hatchet with ease"
I think you could make it work on film, it would just have to employ multiple tricks, none of which I am qualified to describe or know to be possible. But....
The hatchet is the easiest one to hide, the rest admittedly become a lot harder. But, if you gave the story a voice-over narrator, you could introduce the visual aspects only as the narrator describes them or the events leading to them. Do this with some shot shifts and you avoid any jarring "pop ups". For example, the narrator could take us away from the mother and daughter scene, talk us through the kangaroo scene, and then bring us back to the present with the protagonist covered in blood, perhaps also shifting the visual story from that as seen from the protagonist to that as seen by the mother and daughter. The same could be employed between the protagonists and daughters ocean world, to his abrupt recall by hatchet.
Having a narrator calmly take us through the motions against the backdrop of a narratively evolving and visceral reality - depending on the voice and style - may add further juxtaposition to the absurdity of the situation. Additionally, you interject the narrative monologue with the voice of the protagonist to emphasise what is important to his character.
Yes, we’ve spoken about the unique things writing can do that, in a show or movie, wouldn’t land. If the protagonist wasn’t pictured in a film, I think the audience would sense something. The hatchet could be omitted, but the joke expands so that he’s covered in blood—that couldn’t work.
The being inside a kangaroo came from an inevitable process. I wanted him to be threatened to the woman, so he had a hatchet. Turn the dial, more threatening: the hatchet is bloody. Turn the dial: he butchered an animal. Turn again, he’s inside the animal. I then wanted that progression to play out for the reader.
As for the wicket keeping reference, I am good for a swinging hatchet up to 145kmph, more if it’s head is painted white.
Thank for you your wonderful comment. I appreciate you engaging with my work on this level.
Thanks heaps, Rohan. I've been working pretty hard to improve, so I appreciate that comment. Also, my physical strength and not-being-British is undeniable!
So well written. I could see the characters play out in my mind. I find Joel endearing and clearly misunderstood ☺️
What a lovely comment! Thank you. And thanks also for subscribing! You are my 171st subscriber, for your information. As for Joel and the story: I'm glad you find him endearing, given he is somewhat of an autobiographical figure. Hope to hear from you again.
Would love to comment something worthwhile but the words "Do something!" still ring in my ears, drowning out any insightful thought I might've once had.
Those words echo through the ages.
This is really good Luke. A true tale of you can’t judge a book by its cover . I felt sorry for him while admiring him .
Thank you! He could probably use a little self-awareness too, haha! I'm glad it resonated with you.
Another great read. I loved that, almost surprisingly, people did still engage with him - although they clearly didn't understand any of the motives behind his actions. To serve him his ban mi, a simple transaction made terrifying, the woman still went through the motions of her job. The crowd, who tried to stop him from harvesting the organs. And the mother, who still tried to reason with him, despite his scary appearance! Some interesting interactions for someone self professing to be lonely, I liked it a lot! I suppose interaction is written into human nature, we're meant to engage in all different ways...!
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Steph! I hadn't even considered that angle, but I do think that's generally how people behave. Going through the motions is like a warm blanket. I might think of how to write that in another story. People behaving that way interests me a lot.
I really enjoyed this one. The 'work' reference didn't jump out at me, and my cyncism inferred that the darkest, crueler aspects of the story must be associated. I'll send my guess through to you privately.
On another note, the following gave me pause:
'capitalism: supply chains and staff sheets, dye numbers and blood diamonds, electricity bills, training regimes, ad campaigns, lunch breaks, harassment policies, debt.'
I thought it would have been interesting if one of the listed elements hinted to his character, his grievance and deeper issues; hinting at what fundamentally disturbs him but we are the reader can only infer.
When I read the passage, I gave debt - the last word on the list - greater emphasis and thought "what if you change the listing, and how does that impact the feel?". As it stands, I gathered it highlights his detachment from the intangible world and his inability to experience emotive or abstract depth in his surroundings. Though, later, I felt the story contradicted that thought as he clearly emphasises with the kangaroo at a deeper level. Definitely something for me to think about.
Thank you for this comment, Jacques. It's a great feeling for me when people engage with my work to this level. It also challenges my thinking and will help me improve.
The list was the order it was for purely aesthetic reasons. I liked the sound of it ending with the single syllable, hard-sounding word: debt. Debt has a punch to it, and given the structure of the list being a bit of a mouthful I thought ending that way was optimal.
But, to consider your comment for a moment, I think you are right. There was an opportunity there for the list to not just be a list. It was a good opportunity to reveal character. Honestly, I had not thought deeply about that angle of the character. It didn't feel too important to me. He was lonely and perceived as a monster; those were his gripes. But I do believe that everything should be as good as it can be, and everything should work on multiple levels. Next time I use lists or any sort of description of what a character sees I will try to make what they see informative to the reader.
The kangaroo bit might be on me. I think you're onto something with the contradiction. I wrote his emotional reaction to the kangaroo as the set-up to a joke. He seemed very touched by the kangaroo just so it hit harder when he was quite willing to chop it into pieces, instantly. But in light of his earlier reaction to things, this might be out of character. Your comment makes me think I need to give extra thought to making sure behaviours are consistent and aligned with character. In this instance, I put the joke first. No reason I can't do both. Again, just an opportunity to get better.
Finally, the work reference was the use of the phrase 'just imagine'. I nearly put it in hashtag form. I wouldn't have used the word just at all in that paragraph if not for my time working at the most innovative company in Australia.
Let’s face it, I’ve probably over thought a few aspects when reading it. The kangaroo “contradiction” is only there if you choose to view the character in a particular way.
I thought work was the immoral crowd who wouldn’t end the suffering of the kangaroo 🫠 or the feeling of being surplus goods idling in a warehouse.
Jumping back the list, I didn’t even think about the syllables and rhythm...definitely something I picked up on subconsciously with debt but didn’t make the connection. Something for me to consider when I’m scribbling down some thoughts.
Two great visual jokes early.
In the 2nd paragraph: "his right hand still grasped the hatchet". That joke wouldn't really work in film or a play, as the audience would see it there the whole time. I like how in text you can reveal things in unusual orders.
Then in the next paragraph his features come "off-the-bone" which I can't even imagine, haha. It's descriptive - but describing something I can't imagine. And another: "He resembled an important man concerned for the ASX"
This whole story seems determined to do this: to reveal expanding visual jokes that explain earlier scenes. He's now inside a kangeroo!
I also love the balancing act of humor and sincerity. How many stories would have these two sentences in them: "Thoughts of anus hair removal were clouding his judgement" and "we are all one on some level, and the profound tragedy is that our shared beauty is so easily lost beneath our rough hides"
Also, it wouldn't be a Luke Skelton story without a disguised brag of your own wicketkeeping ability - "Joel caught the cartwheeling hatchet with ease"
I think you could make it work on film, it would just have to employ multiple tricks, none of which I am qualified to describe or know to be possible. But....
The hatchet is the easiest one to hide, the rest admittedly become a lot harder. But, if you gave the story a voice-over narrator, you could introduce the visual aspects only as the narrator describes them or the events leading to them. Do this with some shot shifts and you avoid any jarring "pop ups". For example, the narrator could take us away from the mother and daughter scene, talk us through the kangaroo scene, and then bring us back to the present with the protagonist covered in blood, perhaps also shifting the visual story from that as seen from the protagonist to that as seen by the mother and daughter. The same could be employed between the protagonists and daughters ocean world, to his abrupt recall by hatchet.
Having a narrator calmly take us through the motions against the backdrop of a narratively evolving and visceral reality - depending on the voice and style - may add further juxtaposition to the absurdity of the situation. Additionally, you interject the narrative monologue with the voice of the protagonist to emphasise what is important to his character.
Thanks, Bill!
Yes, we’ve spoken about the unique things writing can do that, in a show or movie, wouldn’t land. If the protagonist wasn’t pictured in a film, I think the audience would sense something. The hatchet could be omitted, but the joke expands so that he’s covered in blood—that couldn’t work.
The being inside a kangaroo came from an inevitable process. I wanted him to be threatened to the woman, so he had a hatchet. Turn the dial, more threatening: the hatchet is bloody. Turn the dial: he butchered an animal. Turn again, he’s inside the animal. I then wanted that progression to play out for the reader.
As for the wicket keeping reference, I am good for a swinging hatchet up to 145kmph, more if it’s head is painted white.
Thank for you your wonderful comment. I appreciate you engaging with my work on this level.
These get better and better each time, reminds me of Douglas Adams if he wasn't weak and British
Thanks heaps, Rohan. I've been working pretty hard to improve, so I appreciate that comment. Also, my physical strength and not-being-British is undeniable!