17 Comments

Loved the story. Thanks for posting

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Nice work.

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I wasn't quite prepared for this one. Beautifully done, but you didn't need to describe my frame as meagre.

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What saying did I make up that I always said to you? 'Expected the unexpected.' Also, how could I get the essence of you (even as an adult) without saying meagre frame?

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Loved it

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Ayesha, thank for the wonderful comment. It’s nice to get positive feedback from other writers. I look forward to checking out your work.

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That's a very beautiful story. Thank you.

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Thanks, Melvin. That’s such a wonderful comment to read. Thanks again. And welcome to my Substack. I hope you’ll stick around for my comedic/absurd stories as well! See you around.

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I enjoyed it! - I do love something a bit different.

You might enjoy these of mine, too, who knows? - Tales of the Unexpected.

https://melvinburgess.substack.com/s/spook

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That story moved me in poignant ways and I laughed out loud more than once.

> he was saying.

…near the spine bumps tripped me up though. A little unclear.

Your hard work is paying off. Well done.

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Thanks Val! That's exactly the reaction I was shooting for, so great to hear. And I'll take another look at that line you mentioned. It was a little abstract, maybe I missed the mark.

Thanks for the kind words :)

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It’s wonderful imagery, was just unclear if he was talking, the bumps metaphorically speaking, or his father. If you wrote

> , the bumps said.

It would be 100% clear.

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That's really useful feedback, not just for this instance but looking forward too. Thanks, Val!

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That was really engaging, with a moving resolution. Great stuff.

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Thanks, Matthew. So nice to hear from you. Thank for you for the kind comment :) I hope all is well in your world.

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Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed the story. My brother and I also have a mildly complicated and disconnected lives. I loved the little gems throughout…a lit and patient fuse…No one can catch him…the eyes of his brother’s life.

Solid story.

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Thanks, John. It gives me a nice boost when someone takes the time to comment on my work. And thanks for restacking the note as well. Your support means a lot. I'm blessed to have a very close relationship with my brother, so close that growing up I did think we were the same person. Even with those close, however, there is a gap that can't be bridged. The best we can do is observe and enjoy.

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