I think this may be one of your easiest reads. I mean this to be a compliment as I found it really just flows. The single motif drew me in and it didn’t feel too drawn out. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Beautiful. All the feels, really enjoyed this one, especially as someone who is always interested in the special bond between siblings and what forms it can take. I'm sure this brother enjoyed a lot of cake before his time was up.
I think we're supposed to also be confused about the game the little girls are playing with the candlesticks, which is lovely! Although I noticed you referred to the children - Charlotte, Rachel and Jessica - and I got a little lost there.
But a cool and new concept for a narrative - more stories, please!
Steph! Thank you for such a nice comment. And also thank you for pointing out the error with the names. I will fix that right away. I actually have a pair of cousins named Rachel and Jessica and I chose those names without thinking. So I thought I better change it to Charlotte and then I got all turned about and made a mistake.
What saying did I make up that I always said to you? 'Expected the unexpected.' Also, how could I get the essence of you (even as an adult) without saying meagre frame?
Thanks, Melvin. That’s such a wonderful comment to read. Thanks again. And welcome to my Substack. I hope you’ll stick around for my comedic/absurd stories as well! See you around.
Thanks Val! That's exactly the reaction I was shooting for, so great to hear. And I'll take another look at that line you mentioned. It was a little abstract, maybe I missed the mark.
Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed the story. My brother and I also have a mildly complicated and disconnected lives. I loved the little gems throughout…a lit and patient fuse…No one can catch him…the eyes of his brother’s life.
Thanks, John. It gives me a nice boost when someone takes the time to comment on my work. And thanks for restacking the note as well. Your support means a lot. I'm blessed to have a very close relationship with my brother, so close that growing up I did think we were the same person. Even with those close, however, there is a gap that can't be bridged. The best we can do is observe and enjoy.
I think this may be one of your easiest reads. I mean this to be a compliment as I found it really just flows. The single motif drew me in and it didn’t feel too drawn out. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
This was pretty heartwarming.
World needs more Kangaroo Boys.
Beautiful. All the feels, really enjoyed this one, especially as someone who is always interested in the special bond between siblings and what forms it can take. I'm sure this brother enjoyed a lot of cake before his time was up.
I think we're supposed to also be confused about the game the little girls are playing with the candlesticks, which is lovely! Although I noticed you referred to the children - Charlotte, Rachel and Jessica - and I got a little lost there.
But a cool and new concept for a narrative - more stories, please!
Steph! Thank you for such a nice comment. And also thank you for pointing out the error with the names. I will fix that right away. I actually have a pair of cousins named Rachel and Jessica and I chose those names without thinking. So I thought I better change it to Charlotte and then I got all turned about and made a mistake.
Loved the story. Thanks for posting
Nice work.
I wasn't quite prepared for this one. Beautifully done, but you didn't need to describe my frame as meagre.
What saying did I make up that I always said to you? 'Expected the unexpected.' Also, how could I get the essence of you (even as an adult) without saying meagre frame?
Loved it
Ayesha, thank for the wonderful comment. It’s nice to get positive feedback from other writers. I look forward to checking out your work.
That's a very beautiful story. Thank you.
Thanks, Melvin. That’s such a wonderful comment to read. Thanks again. And welcome to my Substack. I hope you’ll stick around for my comedic/absurd stories as well! See you around.
I enjoyed it! - I do love something a bit different.
You might enjoy these of mine, too, who knows? - Tales of the Unexpected.
https://melvinburgess.substack.com/s/spook
That story moved me in poignant ways and I laughed out loud more than once.
> he was saying.
…near the spine bumps tripped me up though. A little unclear.
Your hard work is paying off. Well done.
Thanks Val! That's exactly the reaction I was shooting for, so great to hear. And I'll take another look at that line you mentioned. It was a little abstract, maybe I missed the mark.
Thanks for the kind words :)
It’s wonderful imagery, was just unclear if he was talking, the bumps metaphorically speaking, or his father. If you wrote
> , the bumps said.
It would be 100% clear.
That's really useful feedback, not just for this instance but looking forward too. Thanks, Val!
That was really engaging, with a moving resolution. Great stuff.
Thanks, Matthew. So nice to hear from you. Thank for you for the kind comment :) I hope all is well in your world.
Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed the story. My brother and I also have a mildly complicated and disconnected lives. I loved the little gems throughout…a lit and patient fuse…No one can catch him…the eyes of his brother’s life.
Solid story.
Thanks, John. It gives me a nice boost when someone takes the time to comment on my work. And thanks for restacking the note as well. Your support means a lot. I'm blessed to have a very close relationship with my brother, so close that growing up I did think we were the same person. Even with those close, however, there is a gap that can't be bridged. The best we can do is observe and enjoy.