I imagine John to have become a Vonnegut reader in his later years. Really loved the tension you held, possibly your easiest and most enjoyable read for me so far. And so it goes.
Thanks! I will tell Spielberg to get onto it, not the one you’re thinking of though. I know a guy whose first name is Spielberg and he has the latest iPhone, which has like 50 megapixels. Technically he stole it from his mum but she can’t prove it. She can never prove anything, the poor woman.
I liked this one. The tension you mentioned made me keep reading quickly, I didn't take a break (but to sneeze, twice). This one felt more cinematic than other shorts I've read. I could really picture it. What a strange idea though - a commercial redevelopment of a cemetery! It's hard to imagine having a creative enough brain to come up with that.
Thanks, Bill! I tired to add a few more details and extend the nouns. I’m not sure that’s the right term, but say, instead of ‘they walked along the fence’ it’s ‘they walked along the fence near the construction site’. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you again, Sam. Both comments you've nailed exactly what I was trying to do :) In an earlier draft, I went into a more detail about John's view on the changing values he saw around him. I tried to use the two characters ( young v old) to show this change. John was value/principle driven while Cody was self-serving/pragmatic/efficient. I initially had John talk about this difference overtly, but instead I found him expressing his difficulties with their task as both a pithy way to show his values and a solid source of tension.
I imagine John to have become a Vonnegut reader in his later years. Really loved the tension you held, possibly your easiest and most enjoyable read for me so far. And so it goes.
Thanks, Chris! I appreciate your kind words. Hope your trip is going well.
Really love this one Luke. It was easy to visualise and get invested in the situation. A great movie scene 🎬
Thanks! I will tell Spielberg to get onto it, not the one you’re thinking of though. I know a guy whose first name is Spielberg and he has the latest iPhone, which has like 50 megapixels. Technically he stole it from his mum but she can’t prove it. She can never prove anything, the poor woman.
I liked this one. The tension you mentioned made me keep reading quickly, I didn't take a break (but to sneeze, twice). This one felt more cinematic than other shorts I've read. I could really picture it. What a strange idea though - a commercial redevelopment of a cemetery! It's hard to imagine having a creative enough brain to come up with that.
Thanks, Bill! I tired to add a few more details and extend the nouns. I’m not sure that’s the right term, but say, instead of ‘they walked along the fence’ it’s ‘they walked along the fence near the construction site’. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you again, Sam. Both comments you've nailed exactly what I was trying to do :) In an earlier draft, I went into a more detail about John's view on the changing values he saw around him. I tried to use the two characters ( young v old) to show this change. John was value/principle driven while Cody was self-serving/pragmatic/efficient. I initially had John talk about this difference overtly, but instead I found him expressing his difficulties with their task as both a pithy way to show his values and a solid source of tension.
Thanks for reading.